Sunday, November 25
HERALD HIDES HANNITY'S ARREST
Sean Hannity, the radical Republican who is urging the assassination of Hillary Clinton and the nuclear liquidiation of Iraq, Iran, Syria, North Korea, Cuba and Venezuela via his outlandish rhetoric, was arrested at the Hotel Economico in historic downtown Brownsville late Sunday night with a prostitute. "I never touched
that woman!" he screamed as Brownsville police pushed him into a squad car and hauled him to the county jail for booking. "I never touched that woman! This is a Democratic conspiracy to embarass me nationally." Pancracia Mascogida, an illegal alien, was also arrested and charged with soliciting. "Mr. Hannity was technically correct when he claimed that he didn't touch her," said Ben Neece who is representing the woman. "According to my client, Hannity accepted her invitation to follow her into El Economico where he rented a room for an hour," said Neece. "He asked her to strip nude, stretch out on the bed and spread her legs as wide as possible. He then stood over her and began masturbating, insisting that my client refer to his erect penis as the Great American. Cops walking the downtown beat heard him shouting through an open window and suspected a domestic violence incident. They climbed the stairs to the second-floor hotel and stormed into Hannity's room where they nabbed Hannity madly stroking his member." Hannity, who is on the border filming a segment on the necessity of the wall, broke down in his cell and admitted his addiction to prostitutes. "I courted my wife for a year, but she refused to have sex with me because she insisted on being a virgin her wedding day," wept a fulminating Hannity whose confession was overheard by several prisoners. "I had my needs and turned to prostitutes to satisfy my desires. As a result I've become addicted to them since my wife only believes in having sex for procreation." The Brownsville Herald is refusing to publish the facts regarding Hannity's indiscretion while Fox Television is not commenting on the controversy. When informed that his paramour was working without documentation, Hannity pounded his head against the bars of his cell and lamented, "If we had constructed the wall this wouldn't have happened. Just like the terrorists can sneak across the border and destroy us, this immoral individual has destroyed me. We Great Americans must rise together and stop the influx of Mexican trash from polluting our country. I am just another victim of this brown plague." Neece, who has dealt with his share of deranged characters during his long career, called Hannity sick. "He kept insisting that the other prisoners needed to listen to him three hours a day if they wanted to save the country," recounted Neece. "They just shook their heads and returned to their comic books." Hannity was still incarcerated when El Rocinante went to press.
